the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
