I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
