my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize