for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
