I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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