you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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