i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
