I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
