You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
