Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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