He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
