How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
