you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
