UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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