Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize