Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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