I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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