Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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