he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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