I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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