and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
40s are totally the cure
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize