hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
