remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
