He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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