he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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