I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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