I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
