Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
