I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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