My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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