He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
