oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
