I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
