I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
