I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize