He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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