i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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