Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
