i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
