I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
