C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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