Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
