did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Randomize
