You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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