just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
