it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
