Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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