dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
organizing the empties. That sober.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
