Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
