Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
