Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
