i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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