Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
