he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
