don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
