Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
