Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
