; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize