You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
