And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
