Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize