His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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