Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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