I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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